Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
