Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
