Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
As shirtless as possible
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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