dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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