Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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