is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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