you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
