Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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