u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
