I just saw a hot homeless man
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
