Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
