It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
