Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
