Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The adults are the big ones right?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
