I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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