You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
