then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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