cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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