i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
