I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
