Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
