I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
