Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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