Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
