I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
