I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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