i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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