You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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