youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dicks are not precious.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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