it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
