so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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