she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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