There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
