they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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