I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
