Three words: puerto rican gang bang
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
