Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
