I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
