Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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