oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
