The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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