I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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