I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
