i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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