I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
