forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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