I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
