took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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