Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is it because I queefed?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
