I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
