I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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