How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
