Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
