He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
