When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
