What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
