Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
